i’ve come to believe the only way out is through 9.6.2025 , 19:26 allow me to illustrate : you beat a body til it’s black and blue into a bloody pulp that is unrecognizably wrought keep beating it let it sit there for a few days while the crows and vultures and buzzards peck and pick and discard the cartilage allow the bones to sit in the sun and dry like a bleached bone-white-dry kind of an eye discarded from a socket and left to mire and eventually with nothing left to perspire it will dis.appear and dis.integrate and fade into the fire such is simply fate

sink swim drown 16.6.25 , 11:59 you know they’ll drag you in and pull you down if you let them so rather than sitting and standing watching and waiting flailing not floating i’d rather simply sink in til eye slip through

n(i/o/u)n.complicit 16.6.25 , 12:04 they almost had me i almost let them then i remembered eye am

out.in.motion 16.6.25 , 12:07 motion , out ever so slightly but, never.the.less still in , motion

counter.intuitive 16.6.25 , 19:14 diminishing as it goes up, growing as it comes down i’ve spent nearly all my life, thinking it went the other way round yet now i see just ‘bout as clear as can be a solid foundation will let you reach up high and roots sunk deep in the ground is the best way to fly

architect.her 16.6.25 , 21:36 i often bury my head in the bosom of architecture aiming to block out the light of a world that’s gone dark and in her in.(t/an)imacy she embraces me takes me in assures me everything will be all right then politely tells me to go take a walk in the park (and fade into that gentle good night)

circularity ii 19.6.25 , 13:03 everything is circular and still i press on i haven’t lost faith since i know it’ll return and yet still i wonder if there is a point to the porn

juneteenth , i guess 19.6.25 , 19:44 sam i yam uncle tom call me negro nigger nigga it don’t matter i know i am the pick of the litter face fall flat on the asphalt but i ain’t bitter just disappointed in me myself and i and you

dancing on the line ii 19.6.25 , 20:08 i specialize in dancing on the line my shadow on one side my reflection on the other my.self on an.other my spirit floats high (above) sometimes tethered sometimes separate (sometimes) all.together so when it tends to get heavy and feels hard to breathe i let my soul fly free to float like a feather

energy i 19.6.25 , 20:22 waves and vibrations in step and in flow help raise my awareness of all i don’t know i touch with my eyes see with my heart and feel with my mind often wondering if you’ll do the same in time you see i’m not so sure if my heart is pure but faith keeps me going even when the body wants no more

sonder 23.6.25 , 22:42 it’s very simple honestly no one cares not maliciously just objectively the self is all that can be known the self is but a reflection of the un.known once you realize this (read : acceptance) you will have grown

asymptotic 24.6.25 , 11:40 one half step towards the wall that is the other trying as it is one must stagger and stutter unreachable it may be while your pace may falter don’t get turned around for the journey and the process have more than enough to offer

architect.her ii (malice // ignorance) 24.6.25 , 12:43 it’s funny cause i never liked you that much but you said a lot of things you didn’t need to say and goaded me into feeling ‘that way’ then when i’d finally had enough and told you what you wanted to hear you pulled the rug out from under me and disappeared

from a distance 24.6.25 , 12:47 everything appears fine and they tell you it will get better with time so you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait and eventually it does not in fact it still ties you up in knots and you wonder if they were wrong until one day from a distance it’s gone not better not alright just fine so fine that it’s legible from a distance with time

let it breathe ii 24.6.25 , 16:31 slowly first, then allatonce in for four out for just a little bit more rest then let it expand and contract as you allow yourself to explore that little space between the ceiling and the floor recede as before to that inner core as you accept and implore to let it breathe once more

mutual recognition 24.6.25 , 17:22 mutual recognition often leaves either side in a bind as the old saying goes : take my blindness for weakness and i’ll leave you the same in kind whether admitted or not whether accepted or rejected to recognize oneself in the other often leaves the ego in fear for (knowledge/the state) of the other is all too often neglected so when i look at you and you see me i hope i see you like-wise and you leave me i be i know you won’t for fear far too easily provokes and if we were as evolved as we say we are they say we’d be as peaceful as the trees and just as content to simply breathe the breeze

desire i 8.8.25 , 20:33 all this and then some all that plus more and yet still i yearn for yore yes days of more

scar 8.8.25 , 08:40 this right here is a sore look close lee place your eye ball against the door if you press hard enough it should come clear not too hard just hard enough for your sclera to pierce the very outermost layer its just one eye you don't need both sacrifice your perception of depth we all know you're shallow anyway and once you pull away let that orb stretch all the way out to a thin little line you'll get used to seeing things this way in next to no time

ressentiment 9.8.25 , 18:59 its gonna take me some time to not resent you because i put your needs (ahead)//over (of) mine so now i displace the blame//but now i get to displace the blame just to get by//in order to get by and even if i know im lying [to myself] i feel just fine

on im.mortality 19.9.25 , 21:27 while some would welcome eternal life in paradise i imagine sleep a deep sort of rest a sort of digress which allows one to dis.integrate and dis.solve and, in a way, reset to an escape which implies a return to those things which we deem correct im interested in rest

trans.actions 24.9.25 , 02:05 one touch from another leaves one in a state of total obliteration and recognition of the other be it a battle , a brain , or a brother Love is that radical awareness of the other do our tools shape us ? we ask and plea as we suffer cause in reality we do not want to hold but to be held as back in the womb of the mOther

pressure 9.10.25 , 15:33 when you let things bottle up they tend to boil over slowly first then explosively so instead let it simmer caress the edge and when its finally ready allow it to pour itself nice and steady

steam 10.10.25 , 20:32 blow hot air long enough and the breath starts to stink think of it as akin to a hedonistic wink where if you do it too many times it turns into a kink we get it you get it but we don’t really care if nobody understands you it’s just hot air

on conviction 26.10.25 , 13:31 no one knows what’s going on ; there are those that think they do , those that claim they do , those that are convinced they do , those that know they do not , and those with conviction . the first two are easy to spot , the third a bit harder , the fourth takes some time , and the fifth even trickier . the first two are easy to weed out , the third hard to avoid , the fourth should be sought out , the fifth nigh impossible to escape . be weary of these people ; they are dangerous ; stay close to them ; for you must know thy enemy . there are no enemies only Lovers who have lost touch

development i [hermeneutic] 16:44 , 3.11.25 it started with a bench which allowed one to turn its back on what was coming it ended with a bench which forced one to face what had came

cycles of circles 09:47 , 4.11.25 in the beginning , there was nothing simply the remnants of what was passed and as time passed , there were attempts to move past to let go of what had been , to move on to what could be and what could have been , eventually became and to become is , concurrently , to be and not to be until one takes a step and enters the cycle making a way for others to follow thru it swells and oscillates and loops back around circling in and spiraling out perpetuating itself all about until one day , a cell develops a crack and little by little , the cycle reverts back until the only one remaining , is the one who lacks every once in a while , when the other passes by and sees the one who lacks lying , asleep for all time attempting to bridge the gap , between ground and sky and the remnants of what passed seem to appear for a while because in the end , there was nothing just a beginning again

development ii [truncated] 10:01 , 4.11.25 it started with a bench it grew to a wall it expanded to a room it stopped with a roof it continued with floors it stopped with doors it contracted with pavement it shrunk with the masses it ended with a bench

development iii [expanded] 10:16 , 4.11.25 it started with a bench which allowed one to turn its back on what was coming it grew to a wall which separated one from the other it expanded to a room which gathered ones and turned them into those it stopped with a roof which acted as a limit upon which to transgress it continued with floors which roamed free in the sky allowing those who entered to stay and rest for a while it stopped with doors which allowed one and forbode some to have a say in what was it contracted with pavement which severed those from it to understand what is and who it shrunk with the masses which inundated the halls leaving some outside to fend and fight in the rain it ended with a bench which forced one to face all that had came

where the mind goes 13:03 , 12.11.25 the body will follow so foot one transgression after the other and wallow yet still another and soon you will see there is no distance only infinite points in a fallow sea full of sorrow trust your body to a fault allow the mind to wander off a certain distance until that point arises still up.un.to that horizon’s will and drift up off and away on.to and in.to that soft and sallow sea

an analogy of digging ii 07:04 , 18.11.25 so you’ve started digging and now you’re stuck try as you might try with all your might dig and excavate and burrow all throughout the night the harder you try the deeper your plight try to dig yourself out and you’ll find yourself deeper in doubt take a second now a moment to breathe a pause for reprieve ask yourself if depth is really what you seek you take this shovel i’ll take the axe you go this way i’ll head back start digging in circles oscillate your way through i’ll dig in a line i’m searching for something new help me out here breadth will only get us so far i’m aiming for depth i’m just not sure how far keep repeating these paths soon you’ll form a scar one recessed inward that’ll keep you from becoming who you really are